Beyond The Wall Bed and Breakfast

Teal background with white lettering about the FAQ page


“Sanity is Backordered … … Sarcasm in Unlimited Supply HURRY, Place Your Order Now” — Rock

Folks, We’re Clowning Around, Having Fun … Doing Our Thing Thing
– Is It “Passive-Aggressive?” Most Likely To The Cats That Don’t Get It
– Is It Sarcasm? Are We Willing To “Take What We Give?” … Absolutely
– Feels Good, ALIVE, Funny And Fun, LAUGH WITH US … It’s Mostly In Jest
– Sorry, We’re Going To Give You Some “Jazz”

– We Don’t Mean To Offend, And Apologies … If You Are, Well … It Just Didn’t Work Out
– No One Has To Get Upset About It, So Many Other Places To Stay, “Call Us Maybe”

– Still With Us?  Good, Let’s Get Your Reservation All Set, Get You All Checked In And We’re Glad You’re Here … Cheers

SARCASM … It’s How We Hug And A Very Large Portion Of The Charm Here At Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast


(We Are Soooooo Betting)

— If You DO Ask (Call Or Email) And The Answer Is Here, We Make Fun Of You Before You Arrive
— We Then Pretend We Like You, Acting All Nice … “Wanting” To Bring You Things … Smiling
— Finally, We Finish By Making Fun Of You Again After You Leave. Do You Really Want To Deal With All That?
— Friends, Family Finding Out?  Viral On Social Media And YouTube?
— You Become The Punchline To One Of Rock’s Stories He Tells As He’s Checking Folks In Or Leading A Tour?
— Want Your 15 Minutes Of Fame?   LOL 










  1. BREAKFAST – Do You Serve Breakfast? Served From 0900 – 1030 (What Do You Even Say To This Stuff?  Are You Going To Come Here And Hurt Yourself?  Seriously? Anyway, Our Highly Reviewed And Highly Enjoyed Breakfast Is UNAPPOLOGETICALLY SERVED From 0900 to 1030. You Think It Starts Too Late? Well, You’d Be Exactly With The 4% That Also Think So.  So As The Hardworking Owners, Representing The Other 96% [Totally True Numbers, Based On 1200+ Reviews Since 2017] Of Folks Enjoying Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast, We Must Toss A Casual “Too Bad” Kinda Thing At You.  We Go Out Of Our Way To Advertise And Clearly State In Every Single Place You Can Book With Us On The Internet That Our Breakfast Is From 0900 To 1030.  So Be Sure You Leave A Comment In Your Review About How Breakfast Starts Too Late So We Can All Shake Our Heads And Laugh At You.  Our Great Breakfast Is Served In Our Main House, HOT … NOT A Nasty Buffet, Mystery Meat Or Continental, 7-11 Type Thing … No Hostess Products To Tear Open With Your Teeth, No Waiting In Line Behind 6 Year-Old Billy Who Insists On Being “A Big Boy” For A Pancake Or Waffle Machine Who Drops The First One On The Floor, Burns The Second And Then You Just End Up Grabbing Some Instant Oatmeal Anyway Because You Don’t Have Time To Wait On 6 Year-Old, Big Boy Billy Going For His Third Attempt At An Edible Waffle, No Whiny Kids Here … We Serve The Stuff Your Mother Or Grandmother Probably Served You … Meat, Eggs, Maybe Potatoes …  Real Food, Real Good.  AND, It’s INCLUDED In The Room Price … Better Look Close, The Fine Print Of Those Other Places And Their REAL Breakfast “Situation” … If They Serve Breakfast At All Or That Real Crowd Pleaser, Super Hilarious Stuff Others Do With Their “Breakfast Included” And It’s A Little Baggie With An Apple, Granola Bar And Juice Box … NICE) … See HERE
  2. AVAILABILITY (Q:  Can You Tell Me About Availability?  A:  NO, BUT … The Little Orange Rectangles On EVERY PAGE Of Our Website, The Little Orange Rectangle That Says, “BOOK NOW” … Always Near The Top, RIGHT THERE, Orange As Hell, Can’t Miss It, Can Be “Clicky Clicked” And Will Then Take You To Our Availability And Booking Engine.  It’s Full On Magic, SORCERY … Want Availability?  Cool, Cause We Want You To “Clicky Click” The Big Damn ORANGE As Hell Rectangle At The Top Of Each Page That Say … “BOOK NOW” To Get You So Much Availability Information That You’ll Cry “Uncle” And Beg, Make Us Stop Showing You, The Magic, The Sorcery Involved With Our Availability
  3. BEACH – Are You On The Beach? (Are You On A Device That Blocks Google Maps?  Can You Hold While I Google That For You?) … See HERE
  4. LOCATION – What Part Of Florida Are You In? (What Part Of Oblivion Are YOU In?  I Have Folks Call, Ask Me Five Minutes’ Worth Of Questions About Our Property and Then Ask “So What Part of Florida Are You In?”  I’ll Answer, “The Tampa Area.”  To Which They’ll Say, “Oh, We Were Looking For Something Near Destin.”  Seriously ??? Ain’t No Way You’re Staying Here, There Are Other Places Equipped To Deal With The Special Level Of “Attention” You Apparently Need.  Sorry, We’re Booked … Forever) … See HERE
  5. HOW FAR – “How Far Are You From This Or That Or BLAH, BLAH, BLAH … BLAH, BLAH … BLAH? (WHOA … How Far Are You From A Device That Has Internet Access, Google And / Or Google Maps?  PRO-TIP, Relocate Yourself Less Far From A Device That Has Internet Access, Google And / Or Google Maps … See HERE … If Your Blah, Blah Is Related To A Beach Or Sunset … SHEESH
  6. COTTAGES – Are Your Cottages 1 Or 2 Rooms? (WHOA … I Made A Completely Dedicated PDF  w/Pictures … See HERE … For This Absolute Favorite Of Mine)
  7. KIDS – Do You Allow Kids? (Under The Age of 13, NO.  After That It Can Get Complicated, So Read Up And Just Know … Even At 13 And Above, This Just Isn’t Really A Kid / Teen Place.  They Really Will Have More Fun Where They Can Act 13, 14 …. 16.  Basically, Because While Here, We’re Going To Expect Them To Conduct Themselves Like They Are 25+ … That’s A “Stretch” For Even Some 22 Year-Olds So Please Factor That In) … See HERE
  8. PETS – Do You Allow Pets? (DOGS ONLY, But With Reasonable Deposits, Fees And Stipulations) … See HERE
  9. WALK – Can You Walk To The Beach? (We’re Not Sure, Can You? … Please See Our “Beach, Water, Gulf, Ocean” Page) … HERE
  10. BATHROOMS – Do We Have To Share Bathrooms? (Oh, The Damn Horror … Americans, LOL  Americans Would Rather Lose A Limb In A Violent, Over A Cliff, Rolled, Caught On Fire, Jaws Of Life, Helicopter Ride To A Trauma Unit Auto Accident Than The HORROR Of Sharing A Bathroom.  NO WORRIES, Because This Is Extremely Common Knowledge And Only Second To Americans’ Complete Fear And Reaction To Female Nipples … So The Answer Is … We Have VERY Intentionally Supplied A Beautiful, Clean And Private Bathroom To Each And Every Room At Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast That Is NOT Shared.  How Exciting Is That? Makes You Want To Book An Extra Night, Right?)  NOTE:  This Is Not The Number One Asked Question, BUT It Is The Number One “Concern” … Us Being A B&B And Many B&Bs Roll With That Whole Shared Bathroom Thing.  Folks Will Literally Have A Peanut Allergy, Where A Peanut Even In The House Will Kill Them And They’ll Ask About The Bathrooms Before They’ll Ask Anything About Peanuts, SMDH ??? 
  11. HOT TUBS IN ROOMS (Q:  Do You Have Those Romantic Hot Tub Things In Your Rooms?  A:  NO, We Do Not Have Those Romantic Hot Tub Things In Our Rooms … This Has Been Asked So Many Times, LOL … I Always Suggest Las Vegas, It’s Kind Of A Regional Thing.  Probably Need To Put “Those Romantic Hot Tub Things” In Our Rooms And Completely “Corner The Market” … Take Over The World With “Those Romantic Hot Tub Things In Our Rooms”) We Do Have A Year-Round, Outdoor Hot Tub In The Pool Area
  12. HOT TUB – FUNCTIONALITY (Q:  Does Your Hot Tub Work?  YES, Why Wouldn’t It Work?  Understand That We’d Be Horrified If Folks Showed Up Here And Stuff Didn’t Work, Or They Thought We Embellished Things, Or That Whole “Over Sold” With Special Camera Lenses Where Everything Looks Bigger Crap That Our Competitors Like To Do.  If Our Hot Tub Or Anything Else Didn’t Work, We’d Go Out Of Our Way To Ensure That Information Got To You In A Timely Fashion
  13. ADDITIONAL BEDS ??? (YES, We Can Do Additional Beds In Cottages ONLY … Except Fireside Cottage, For An Additional Charge) … See HERE
  14. CANCELLATION / NO SHOW ??? Do You Have A Cancellation / No Show Policy ??? (YOU BET, BIG TIME, ABSOLUTELY AND DARN TOOT’N And You REALLY, REALLY Should See It.  It’s In Our Policies Section, But Here’s A Direct Link To This VERY Important Document) … See HERE
  15. GROUND FLOOR  – We Want To Be Sure That Our Room Is On The Ground Floor (ALL ROOMS / COTTAGES Are on the Ground Floor, Except Our Personal Residence And You Aren’t Invited)
  16. PRINTING – We Do Not Print, We Are Not Printers (Airline Boarding Passes, Baseball Tickets, Restraining Orders, Conditional Surrenders … Sorry, NO)
  17. ROOM SERVICE (Q:  Do You Do That Thing Where You Come Into The Room Each Day And Leave Us New Towels And Stuff?  A:  YES, We Leave New Towels And Stuff If You Ask.  Just Communicate)
  18. BREAKFAST IN BED (Q:  Do You Do That Thing Where You Bring Us “Breakfast In Bed?  A:  NO, This Is Not Something We Do Or Are Interested In For Many Reasons
  19. SPECIAL – CAN YOU MAKE IT SPECIAL FOR US? (Q:  It’s Our Blah, Blah’th Anniversary, Date Night, First Night Out Of Prison, First Night Away From The Monsters In Eight Years, First Vacation In Five Years … And On, And On.  Can You Make It Special For Us?  This One Is Sooooooo 2021 And We Literally Had To Have A Business Meeting About It.  We Decided … Wasn’t Hard, That We Are Not In The “Make It Special” Business And It Really, Really Puts Us In Uncomfortable Positions … Imagine The Stress and Expectations Folks? Truly … YOU Are And Always Will Be In Charge Of Your Own “Special”)
  20. WHY “BEYOND THE WALL?” – Because “Behind The Wall” Sounds Creepy, LOL   (Anyway, There Is Zero Relation To “Game Of Thrones” And The Real Concept Really Has To Do With “Beyond” Being Mysterious And “Wall” Conjuring Feelings Of Safety, Quiet, Military Friendlies, Oasis And No Worries … “Resorty”) (If That’s A Word?)
  21. WALK – Is Everything Walkable From Beyond The Wall? (We’re Not Sure, Is It? … Within 4 Football Fields, 1/4 Mile … 10-Minute Walk Are 25 Places To Eat, 30 Shops / Boutiques And 8 Breweries And A Distillery.  So, You Tell Us … Is Everything Walkable From Beyond The Wall?)
  22. RENTALS — Do You Rent Blah, Blah, Blah?  (Apologies, We Do Not Rent Anything, We’re Just A Husband And Wife, We Live Here, We Maintain Here And Truly … Truly Do Not Have The Time Or Storage To Even Remotely Dabble In That.  We Do Not Rent Bikes, Beach Umbrellas, Beach Chairs, Kayaks, Fishing Gear … We Do Not Rent Anything, Not A Single Item)
  23. SHUTTLE / AIRPORT SHUTTLE – Do You Have An Airport Shuttle? (Airport Shuttle?  Hell, We Don’t Even Have A Front Desk, Airport Shuttle?  As Far As We Know, There Is No Downtown Dunedin Lodging That Offers Airport Shuttles … And If They Do, It’s Certainly Not A “Complementary” Thing)
  24. SMOKING – We Know That This Is A Non-Smoking, Non-Vaping Property, So Where Can We Smoke / Vape? (Wherever You Want To Smoke / Vape … Just Not Here. Minus Honeymoon Island, There’s Not A Nicer Place To Smoke Than Under One Of The Oldest Trees In Dunedin, RIGHT Next Door In The City Park To Our East)… See HERE
  25. CIGARS – Can I Just Sit On The Porch And “Enjoy” My Cigar? (Apparently, The Term “Enjoy” Is Supposed to Sway Us?  Jedi Mind Trick?  If You Are “Enjoying” Something It Can’t Be Offensive To Other Guests?) NO
  26. BEST BREWERY – What’s The Best Brewery? (They’re All Good, They All Make GREAT Beer.  Only The Vibes Differ And That’s A Personal Preference That You Won’t Understand Until You Drink In Each Of The Breweries Of Dunedin. So Start Hydrating, Stretch … Don’t Wanna Blow A Hammy, Get In There, “Leave It All On The Field” And Give EACH One A Fair Shot)
  27. BIKES – Can We Put Our Bikes In Our Room, On A Porch, Or In Your Garage? (Sorry, NO … We Provide A Very Sturdy Bike Rack, With A Dedicated Security Camera Covering It.  Please Consider This Before Bringing Your $10K Bicycle. Perhaps A Large Van, Motion Detecting Sirens, A Security Guard or Laser Beams, Landmines Or A Moat With Alligators?  Please Use “Call Before You Dig” To Locate Utilities Before You Moat Your $10K Bicycle In For Security And You Are Responsible For Re-Sodding The Moat Area Before You Leave.  You Can Leave The Gators, We’ll Easily Find Some Other Uses For Them Here) … See HERE
  28. BIKES – Do You Have Bikes? (No, But We Know Who Does.  There Are A Couple Of Places, Some Within 10 Minute Walks Of BTW That Rent Bikes … Best To Google (GTS) That Stuff, Get The RIGHT Bike At The Right Price.  Suggested Key Words For Google Search = Bicycle Rentals Dunedin Florida … It’s Like Magic)
  29. BIKES – Can We Charge Our Electric Bikes There? (No, As Electric Bikes Were Not “A Thing” Back In 2015 When We Designed BTW, We Didn’t Plan For Such Excitement.  Currently, We Do No Have The Capital (Some Damn Pandemic Thing Happened) To Run Power Stations For Bikes, Or The Time / Desire To Run Extension Cords All Over The Property …Rolling Them Out, Rolling Them Up …  BUT … We Promise To Delight You In 1000 Other Ways)
  30. LAUNDRY – STINKY CLOTHES – Do You Have Laundry Facilities? (No, But We Know Who Does.  There Are 4 Places, Close By … Folks, We’re A Bed And Breakfast, Not Some Global, Corporate Giant.  Although Capable, We’re Currently Not Designed To Be A Months-Long Rental, Business / Executive Suite Or Extended Stay Place.  HOWEVER, In The Future, We MAY Figure Out An Onsite Laundry “Thing.”  Anyway … Until Then, Don’t Mention Laundry On Your Reviews … Because We Don’t Care … One More Time, We’re Not A Long Term Extended Stay Place So You Expecting Laundry, Covered Parking, A Gym, Business Center, Helicopter Pad And Mail Service Is A Great Big, Michelle And I Shaking Our Heads Situation.  We’re A Bed And Breakfast, Remember?  SHEESH) … See HERE
  31. GYM, TREADMILL, WORKOUT ROOM – Do You Have Gym Equipment, Treadmill Or A Workout Room? (Yeah, It’s Called The Pinellas Trail And It’s About 300 Yards From Where You Put Your Head On A Pillow Here … NO … If We Had A Workout Room Don’t You Think We Would Be Highlighting The Heck Out Of It? Pictures … Making It A Big Damn Deal?  No Pictures, No Highlighting, No Big Damn Deal About It Anywhere On Any Website Of Ours … Not Listed In Our Amenities Either, So Strange, Just Absolutely Baffling?)
  32. BEST ROOM – What’s Your Best Or Most Comfortable Room? (Who’s The Greatest Guitarist Of All Time?  MaryAnn Or Ginger?  What’s The Best Cookie? “Stairway To Heaven” or “Freebird?”  Ford or Chevy? … Blondes, Brunettes Or Redheads? … Beer Or Wine? … Boobs, Butts Or Legs? … Ketchup Or Mustard … Chocolate Or Vanilla … Beer Or Wine?)
  33. BEST BREWERY OR EATERY IN DUNEDIN ??? – Just Like Your Underpants, Personal Preference, Right? (Who’s The Greatest Guitarist Of All Time?  MaryAnn Or Ginger?  What’s The Best Cookie? “Stairway To Heaven” or “Freebird?”  Ford or Chevy? … Blondes, Brunettes Or Redheads? … Beer Or Wine? … Boobs, Butts Or Legs? … Ketchup Or Mustard … Chocolate Or Vanilla … Beer Or Wine?)
  34. RATES – Do You Have Weekly Or Monthy Rates? (YES, Just Add Up The Prices For The Days You Want To Stay To Get Your Price.  If You Want To Stay A Week, Just Take The Prices Of The 7 Days You Want To Stay, Then Add Them All Up For Your Weekly Rate.  For Monthly, Simply Use 30 Instead Of 7 In The Complicated Formula I Presented Earlier)
  35. DOUBLE OCCUPANCY? – EASY, It Simply Means That Our LISTED Room And Cottage Prices Are ALL Based On “Double Occupancy” (What You Need To Know Is That Is Means It Is The COST For ONE TO TWO PERSONS MAX To Stay In Any Room.  If You Want Or Bring More Folks Than TWO, And Want Them In A Room With You … It Will Cost MORE.  If You Are By Yourself, ONE Person … It’s Still The Same Cost, The Listed Cost. Why Do We Always Have To Beat This Concept To Death With So Many Folks?)
  36. DISCOUNTS / DONATIONS – Do You Offer Discounts / Donations For XXXX, Raffles, Door Prizes, Fund Raisers, Crowd Funding, Legal Defenses, Walk / Swim / Bike / Dance / Drink / Fish / Youth / Eat … A-THONS … blah, blah, blah? (We Decided After We’ve Gotten Asked By Everyone From AAA To All The Tall, Short Blondes With Dark Hair On This Entire Planet That We’d ONLY Give Discounts, Donations To Those Associated With Our Military And First Responders.  As Well, We Do Have Some “Corporate” Situations, But They Are Frequenting And Supporting Us Much, And Mid-Week)  NOTE: We Try So Hard To Honor Our Patriots But We Are Struggling Greatly, Just Like The Rest Of The Florida Tourist Industry And Cannot Offer Discounts Or Donations At This Time
  37. ORANGE JUICE – Do You Serve Orange Juice For Breakfast? (Initially, We Were Absolutely Against Serving Orange Juice For Breakfast … I Mean, It’s Orange Juice … For Breakfast, Who Does That?  AND …We’re In Florida?  Well, We Decided To Just “Go For It” BUCK THE SYSTEM, Trend Setters, Trailblazers … And Amazingly … It’s Really Taken Off.  Because It’s Been So Popular Here … Orange Juice For Breakfast, We’ve Decided To Keep Serving It… Folks Really, Really Seem To Like It) … Really, We Have Been Asked That, In An Email After Booking, Prior To Arrival A Person Wanted To Know If We Served Orange Juice At Breakfast And We Pretty Much Answered It With What I Wrote Above. SMDH ???
  38. TEXTING – WHY DON’T YOU ANSWER YOUR TEXT MESSAGES? (We Don’t Answer Our Text Messages Because We Don’t Receive Text Messages.  Simply, Our Business Line Is Not A Texting Number (Although Some Of You Text Our Business Line ???).  Hit Our Website, Send An Email … BINGO, You’ll Get Our Attention.  Many Times Folks Will Arrive And Exclaim, “We Texted You Earlier To Tell You … Blah, Blah, Blah And You Didn’t Answer?”  Well, We’re Not Sure How Many Lodging Places Or Businesses Use Texting As A Means Of Communication, But We Don’t.  Maybe It’s The “Wave Of The Future” But We Can Barely Get All The Emails And Calls Answered So Adding A “Degree Of Difficulty” Isn’t On Any Lists Of Ours)
  39. LOX – Do You Serve Bagels And Lox For Breakfast? (Um … That Would Be A “NO” And More Importantly, What Kind Of Yacht Club, Thurston Howell III, Hand Me Your Jacket, Bring My Car Around Question Is That?  “Get Your … Jumbo Jet Off My Airport !!!”)
  40. UNDER 25 YEARS OF AGE – Do You Really NOT Allow Folks Under 25 To Book Rooms At Beyond The Wall? (That Is Correct, Sadly.   We’re Not Sure How To Word This But We’ve Had A Disproportionate Amount Of Headaches From The 18-24 Year-Olds That Have Booked Here.  Solution?  Easy … If Under 25, Do NOT Make A Reservation Here …EXCEPT, You Are Absolutely Invited To Call And Have A Phone Interview With Rock.  Basic, Easy Stuff, Just A Short Conversation To Get A General Vibe And To Go Over A Few Things Related To “Adulting” … Then You’ll Be Invited To Book And Be Very Welcomed … Just Like Sitting At The Big Person Table At Thanksgiving … If You Pass)
  41. HIDDEN FEES – Do You Have Any Hidden Fees?  Is That The Final Price? (This Is Becoming More And More Common As A Question.  Apparently, Other Folks Like To Create Cute Little Surprises For Their Guests.  We Can Assure You That There Are No … Cleaning Fees, Resort Fees, Breathing Fees, Parking Fees, Water Fees, Breakfast Fees, Standing Fees, Destination Fees Or Any Other “Rinky Dink” … Surprise Fees.  Of Course This Is Obviously Based On You Being Able To Honestly And Accurately Fill Out Your Reservation Form.  You Know, Disclosing That You Are Bringing A Dog, Extra Persons Or Are Wanting An Extra Bed Or Service.  Those Are Not HIDDEN Fees But We Sadly Have To Explain That Every Once In A While To Folks That Are New To Filling Out Web Forms Or Aren’t Honest …When They Get Here.  We Don’t Like Surprises, Why Would We Do That To You?)
  42. SPEAKER PHONE – I Can Never Decide If Using My Speaker Phone Is Appropriate, Both Location And Time.  Is There Someone There That Can Help Me With That?  (Absolutely, We’re No “Miss Manners” Or Emily Post But We’re Here To Tell You That Pretty Much Any Use Of A Speaker Phone While Here Would Not Be Welcome In The Slightest Bit.  Let Us Know If That Will Be A Problem As “Inflicting” That Level Of Obliviousness And Rude On My Competitors Is Always Fun.  We’ll Send You Right Over And The Guests At Breakfast, Sitting Quietly In The Lobby Or Around The Pool Will All Stand And Clap As You Take Your Speaker Phone Call Away From Here, What?)
  43. PHONE CALLS – Do You And Your Other Guests Enjoy Folks Making Phone Calls From Their Table During Breakfast? (This Is Happening More And More, SMDH … A BIG, FAT, STINKING “NO” And Seriously … Quite and Super SERIOUSLY … What Is Your Damn Problem?”)
  44. FIRE PIT – Do You Have One Of Those Fire Pit Things? (YES, We Have One Of Those Fire Pit Things)
  45. FIRE PIT – If We Book A Room With You Can We Use Your Fire Pit Thing? (NO, It’s For Decoration Only.  We List It In Our Amenities Only To Lure Folks Here But When You Get Here We Tell You That You Can’t Use It, It’s Broken Or There’s An Extra, Hidden Charge For It.  We Do That With Many, Many Things That We List As An Amenity Here At Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast.  Wait Until You See How Much Begging You Have To Do For Breakfast, Hot Water Or Clean Sheets … SMDH ???)
  46. BLOW DRYERS – Do You Have Blow Dryers / Hair Dryers?
    (YES, YES, YES … This Is An Unusually Common Question And For Some Reason, It Comes In Waves.  Basically, Folks Always Email The Question [Which By The Way Is Answered On Our Amenities Page … You Know, Because It’s An Amenity, SMH] And It Might Be 3 Months Of Not Having To Endure It, But All Of A Sudden You’ll Get The Question Via Email 4 Times In One Week, Strange ???)
  47. FANS – Do You Have Box Fans, Wind Tunnels, Floor Fans, Shop Fans, Wind Turbines Or Any Type Of Fan Other Than Your Ceiling Fans For Your Rooms And Cottages? (NO, Apologies That We Only Have Ceiling Fans And Individual Climate Controls For Our AC In Each Room And Cottage)
  48. TIME ZONE – What Time Zone Are You In? (Yep, Just Got Asked That In July 2021, SMDH ???  Anyway, It’s Eastern)
  49. MILITARY TIME – IT’S SO CONFUSING? (FIRST, It’s Not “Military Time” It’s 24-HOUR TIME. The Whole Damn Planet (Minus The US) Uses It Because It’s Efficient And Solves Many Problems.  The US Military Uses It Because It’s Efficient And Solves Many Problems.  Google It … I Promise, It’s NOT That Hard … REALLY, Just Keep Counting After 12 … 13, 14 … So Damn Easy.  Anyway, Quit Calling It “Military Time” AND … Learn How To Use It.  Won’t Even Charge You For That Advice)
  50. UBER – Do You Have Uber? (We Might ??? … When You Travel, The Current Answer Is Always Prudent To Have.  Closest City Is Tampa, And Your Uber App Will Tell You As Well, It’s All Magic.  YES, They May Even Take You To The Beach) … See HERE
  51. LYFT – Do You Have Lyft? (We Might ??? … When You Travel, The Current Answer Is Always Prudent To Have.  Closest City Is Clearwater Or Tampa, And Your Lyft App Will Tell You As Well, It’s All Magic.  YES, They May Even Take You To The Beach) … See HERE
  52. COTS, ROLLAWAYS, BLOW UPS, SLEEPING BAGS, SINGLE SIZE BEDS … BLAH, BLAH, BLAH – Q: We’re Really “Thrifty” And Remember From Our College Days How “Thrifty” It Was To Cram 3, 5 … 8 Folks Into A Room, Do You Have COTS, ROLLAWAYS, BLOW UPS, SLEEPING BAGS And / Or SINGLE SIZE BEDS To Assist Us In Being Able To Get All “Thrifty” And “Crammy” And Shit During Our Stay With You?  (A:  NO, There Are NO Cots And Don’t Bring One.  NO, There Are NO Rollaways And Don’t Bring One.  NO, There Are NO Blow Ups [Insanely Hard Not To Make A Blow Up Doll Joke Here] And Don’t Bring One.  NO, There Are NO Sleeping Bags And Don’t Bring One. NO, There Are No Single Sized Beds And Don’t Bring One. Occupancy Is Set By Fire Code, Use The Little Numbers Provided For Each Room To Determine Max Occupancy.  HINT:  Those Great Big, Global, Corporate Lodging Choices LOVE This Kind Of Stuff, They’ll Even Leave The Light On For You … To Assist In You Getting All Your Cots, Rollaways, Blow Ups, Sleeping Bags, Single Beds And 8 Friends Crammed Into Your Room … And Be All “Thrifty” And Shit)
  53. COMING SOON (SMH, Oh … You Know It)







  1. CHECK IN TIME / CHECK OUT TIME – Easy, IN No Earlier Than 1500 And “Bye Bye” Before 1100 … See HERE
  2. CHECK IN – Can I Have My Friend Come By And “Just” Pick My Key Up?  Because … (I’m Going To Beach, I’m Too Busy, It’s Inconvenient, I Don’t Have Time, I’m Really Important, I Think This Is A Hotel)  NO
  3. CHECK IN – My Friends Are Checking In Earlier, I’m Arriving Later … Can You Just Leave My Key With Them? NO
  4. CHECK IN – Can I Check In By Myself?  Because … (My Wife, Husband, Partner, Everything Else … Does Not Want To Get Out Of The Car, Has Been Drinking All Day, Is Shopping, Is Still At Work, Blah, Blah And Blah)  NO BUT, Maybe Like 25 Times In The Time We’ve Been Open We’ve Allow Only One Of The Party To Check In.  This Has Very Truthfully Turned Into Pretty Much An Easy 50% Failure Rate.  What’s A Fail?  Failures That Have Occurred Are The Person Showing Up Later And Smoking [I Wasn’t Told AND Can’t Read], Walking Into My Garage Asking, “What Time Is Breakfast?” … Taking Glass Into Pool Area [No One Told Me You Can’t Take Glass Into A Pool Area] And It Goes On And On)  … Folks, We Strenuously Request (Wink, Wink) … And Politely Insist (Wink, Wink) That All Guests Endure Our Brutal Check In Process
  5. CHECK IN – Can We Just Get Our Key Because We Want To Go See The Sunset Before It’s Too Late? NO (And Sooooo Betting You Showed Up An Hour Late For Your Check In Appointment And Made No Effort To Contact Us About Your Late Arrival, Right?)
  6. CHECK IN – Can We Just Get Our Key Because We Have Dinner Reservations At Blah, Blah, Blah? NO (And Sooooo Betting You Showed Up An Hour Late For Your Check In Appointment And Made No Effort To Contact Us About Your Late Arrival, Right?)
  7. EARLY CHECK IN – WANTING VERSUS NEEDING  – WANT An Early CHECK IN? No You Don’t … NEED An Early CHECK IN?  Keep Reading (Sorry Folks, We Really Need Time To Turn BTW Back Into The Experience You Read Reviews About) … See HERE About All Things Related To CHECKING IN, To Include That Ever Elusive And Mermaid (Seashells Not Required) RARE … EARLY CHECK IN
  8. EARLY ARRIVAL – Can You Arrive Before Your Check In Time And Park Here, Go Walk Around Dunedin, And Then Return For Your Check In Appointment? (YES … And This Is Very Related To The “Early Check In” Stuff Above.  Please Know That If You Do ARRIVE Early And Park Your Car, Just A Simple Hello Is Requested.  Earlier Than 1500 Is When We Are All Working Hard To Get BTW Ready.  A 15-Minute Conversation About Your Drive Here, Why You Are Here, Your New Puppy, Your Grandkids … Or Your Weather At Home Is Quite Simply Only Slowing Us Down On Getting Yours And Others Rooms Ready.  Please Save The Absolutely Welcomed And Expected “Chit Chat” For Check In And Later)  … See HERE
  9. EARLY ARRIVAL – LUGGAGE, LUGGAGE, LUGGAGE … LUGGAGE? AND MORE LUGGAGE (YES … YES, YES We Will Babysit Your Luggage If You Arrive Early By Uber/Lyft, Cab, Limo, Monorail, Motorcycle, Scooter, Snowmobile, Bicycle … Blah, Blah, Blah.   This Is Really Turning Into like A Top 5 Question Recently.  YES, We’ll Watch Your Luggage.  You Do Not Need To Email And Tell Us What Means Of Transportation You Are Being Dropped Off By, What Color It Is, The Name Of Your Driver, Why You Need Your Luggage Watched, Where You Bought Your Luggage, How Much You Paid For Your Luggage … The Color, The Shape Of Your Luggage … Or Anything Else Involving Luggage.  YES, We’ll Watch Your Luggage And Probably Even Be Excited About It If Doesn’t Involve 3-4 Extra Emails) … See HERE
  10. EARLY ARRIVAL – Is There A Place To Change Into Bathing Suits If We Arrive Early And Want To Use Your Pool? (YES … YES, YES … And YES.  There’s Probably A Place To Change Into A Bathing Suit Here.  There Are Trees, A Garage … A Couple Of Fences … Oh … And We Forgot, A Public Bathroom In The Lobby.  YES, You Can Lay Out And / Or Swim In Our Pool Before Check In Time And Even After Check Out) See … HERE
  11. WHERE DO I GO? … WHERE IS THE DESK? … HOW DO I CHECK IN … I’M CONFUSED, I’M SCARED? RELAX … (It’s All So Easy.  The Entrance To The Main House Is INSANELY APPARENT, Largest Building On The Property, HUGE Steps Out Front … HINT, Start There … See Picture … HERE) 
  12. PARKING – Is There Parking? … Is There Street Parking? … Is There Onsite Parking? … Is There Free Parking? … Is There A Parking Lot? … Is There Covered Parking? … What If We Have To Bring Two Cars? WHOA … (That’s A Lot Of Parking Questions !!!  Anyway … FREE, Parking Lot On Site, Not Covered … Don’t Give It Another Thought And There Isn’t Any Street Parking … Because It Isn’t Needed.  Need To Bring Two Cars?  No Worries, It Doesn’t Take 14 Emails Back And Forth … Just Inform Us In Your “Check In Appointment Form” That You May Be Bringing Two Cars)
  13. PARKING – Where Do I Park? … Is There Assigned Parking? … Should I Roll Past The 16 Closest Spaces To The Entrance And Continue Past The STOP Sign In Front Of Rock’s Garage, Stop In Front Of Garage, Roll Window Down And Ask Rock (Who’s Probably Fixing A Chair Or Some Property Maintenance) “Where Should I Park?” … NO, NO And NO !!! WHOA … (That’s EVEN MORE Parking Questions !!!  Anyway … Park Wherever The Hell You Want, Any LINED Parking Space.  Should You Park BETWEEN The Painted Lines, “Semi” Equal Distance On Both Sides Of Your Vehicle, Vehicle “Semi” Centered In Designated Parking Space?   YES … SHEESH You Should See Some Of The Damn Park Jobs Folks Grace Us With, SMH) 
  14. CHECK IN APPOINTMENT FORM – Is It True That You Charge A $25 “Administrative Fee” For Not Accomplishing A “Check In Appointment” Form?  (YES And It Will Be Listed As “Fee – No Appointment” On Your Receipt.  Folks, We’re Really Not Sure How Many Times Someone Needs Reminded?  We’re Really Not Sure How Many Places We Have To List The Request Or Supply The Link To The Form?  We’re Really Not Sure Why Folks Don’t Read Their Emails Or Confirmations After Making A Reservation For ANYTHING?  But … We Do Know That $25 Pays For A Decent Dinner Or 4 Local Craft Beers And We Absolutely DO Toast Those Who “Provide” This Gift)
  15. I NEED “SPECIAL CHECK IN” STUFF, HOW CAN I CONTACT YOU ABOUT “SPECIAL CHECK IN” STUFF? (Easy Peasy … This Ain’t Our First “We Need A Special Check In” Rodeo.  It’s All About Communication … But It Doesn’t Take 6-10 Emails (Wink) … Contact Us About “Special Check In” Stuff, Selecting The Most Relevant Subject) … HERE
  16. THE WEDDING IS AT 1600? (I’m The Bride, I’m The Groom, I’m The MOB, I’m Weird Uncle Frank That They Didn’t Really Want To Invite And I Need More Time To Get Ready And Don’t Want To Be Rushed Or Stressed.   REMEMBER … It’s All About Communication … But It Doesn’t Take 6-10 Emails (Wink) … We Can DO THIS, We Can “Figure This Out” … Well, Maybe We’ll Let Weird Uncle Frank Sweat It Out A Bit But We Always Take Care Of Bridal Situations.  Contact Us About “Special Check In” Stuff, Selecting The Most Relevant Subject) … HERE


(Please, Michelle and Rock Insist)

— CAUTION/WARNING: There’s A Difference Between Treating People Badly And Treating People Accordingly —

— “Compassion And Tact Are Honorable Traits, But Are Not Often Found In The Bad Guys Coming Through The Wire” —

  • This Is Our HOME.  We Are Inviting You Here … To Our HOME.  Treat Beyond The Wall Exactly Like You Would If Visiting Friends Or Family
    • We Are NOT Some Cheap Ass Chain Hotel With Nasty Carpet, Breakfast Buffet And Mystery Meat … Staff Of 20 Running Around Cleaning Up Behind You Like Your Mother
    • We Are Not Going To Pick Up After You Like We’re Your Mothers
      • If You Generate Trash,Throw Your Trash In A Trash Can
      • If You Spill Something, Clean Up The Spills
    • Not A Secret, We Don’t Try To Hide It … If You Treat Us At Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast Like That Cheap Ass Chain Hotel, You Will Be Asked To Leave
      • We’ll Literally Make Reservations For You At The Nearest Cheap Ass Chain Hotel, Waving Bye-Bye, It’s Just Down The Street … They’ll Leave The Light On For You
        • No Hard Feelings, It Didn’t Work Out, We’re Not Compatible, We Just Need Some Space … It Wasn’t You, It Was Us, Call Us Maybe
      • BTW = MANNERS, RESPECT And COURTESY – Please See Our Manners, Respect And Courtesy Policy … See HERE
        • Persons Under The Age Of 13 Are Not Allowed At Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast
        • Persons Under The Age Of 18 Are Not Allowed To Stay In Our Main House
        • We Cannot Stress Enough … BEFORE You Bring A Minor Onto This Property, Read Our Entire Children Policy … See HERE
      • CRANKY, UNHAPPY PEOPLE – We’d Rather Just Have A Social Media Relationship With You, From A Distance (Call You Maybe)
      • DOGS ALLOWED (MUST Have CRATE With You)
        • DOGS ONLY – MUST BE CRATED When They Are Alone In Any BTW Room
        • NO CATS Or ANY OTHER ANIMAL … No Matter How Small They Are, No Matter How Nice They Are, No Matter How Cute They Are, Even If They Are Quiet, Even If They Have Never Bit Anyone … Blah, Blah, Blah
        • See Our Dog Policy … See HERE
        • UGLY DOGS … Prefer No Ugly Dogs … But If Dog Is Ugly, You Must CRATE It In A Manner Where Its Face Is Facing INTO The Crate
        • No Dogs Over 40 Pounds (Don’t Make Us Fat Shame Your Dog, Words Hurt)
        • Deposit $150 Per Visit, Refundable
        • Fee $40 Per Night, Non-Refundable
        • Dog Sitters – Apologies, We Cannot Recommend Due To Liability
        • Seriously, Have A Damn CRATE, We Don’t Provide CRATES
      • SERVICE ANIMALS – ALWAYS Very Welcomed, Please See Our Service Animals Policy … See HERE
      • SMOKING – Apologies, STRICT NO Smoking, NO Vaping Policy On Entire Property Of Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast
        • Our Detailed Smoking Policy … See HERE
        • MAP To An EXTREMELY Close, Relaxing And Gorgeous Smoking Area (CITY PARK), Or You May Find Others … See HERE
      • US MARINES – Are US Marines Really Banned From Using The Pool And Are Required To Use The Pond? … See HERE

ADMINISTRATIVE (What We Can And Cannot Do)

  • DAMAGE – Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast Will Absolutely NOT Tolerate Intentional Damage To Our Property
    • Reasonable, Accidental Damage Will Be Investigated And Fairly Resolved. See Our Damage Policy … See HERE
  • HOUSEKEEPING – Beyond The Wall Prides Itself On Our Housekeeping
  • LAUNDRY – Apologies No Onsite Laundry Available … See HERE
  • RESERVATIONS– Our Reservations Policy … See HERE
    • We Require That The Primary Guest Be 25 Years Old To Make Reservations And Stay
    • Rates – ALL RATES Are “Double Occupancy” (Double Occupancy = 2 Persons)
    • Payments
    • Discounts
    • Special Events
    • Occupancy = Extra Guests
    • Group Reservations
    • Full Property Rental
  • CANCELLATIONS – We Have A Fair Cancellation Policy In Relation To Our Size And Having To Compete Against Global, Corporate Giants … See HERE
  • DISPUTES – We Have No Tolerance For Folks Attempting To Steal From Us Concerning Credit Cards And Billing Or Not Having The Manners / Courtesy To Simply Call / Email About The Monetary Concern And Give Us A Chance To Resolve It Before That Fun Little Surprise In The Mail From Their Credit Card Company … See HERE

FEATURES (What We Can And Cannot Give)

  • FOOD And BREAKFAST– Typically, 99% Of The Time 0900 – 1030 … See HERE
  • REAL BUTTER– OH, You Better Believe It
  • BACON / SAUSAGE– We LOVE Pork Products … BACON, Sausage … Pork, Pork, Pork
    • We Serve You A Portion Of Either Bacon Or Sausage Every Single, Glorious PORK Day
  • COFFEE / TEA – Available – All Guests 24/7, In Cottages And Main House
  • ALL ROOMS And COTTAGES On Ground Floor
    • Minus Our Private Residence, Our Entire Property On Ground Floor
  • REFRIGERATORS / FREEZERS – In All Rooms And Cottages (EXCEPT – Fridge ONLY In Island And Mardi Gras Rooms)
  • MICROWAVES – ONLY In All Cottages, Cottages ONLY, Every Cottage Has A Microwave (SHARED Microwave In Main House For Those In Main House)
  • COTTAGES – And Additional Beds (YES, We Can Do Additional Beds … See HERE For Additional Bed Information)
    • Due To Many Reservations Coming Through Online Travel Agencies (Expedia,, … Etc) And Not Us Directly, Sometimes The Request For An Additional Bed Does Not Come Through Our System Correctly.  In These Cases, No Worries … We Have The Beds, You Will Just Need To Give Us 30 Minutes To Set Up The Additional Bed In Your Cottage
  • CONFERENCE ROOM – Proudly, We Feature A World-Class, Outstanding Conference Room … See HERE
  • EVENT ROOM AND SPACES – Proudly, We Feature World-Class, Outstanding Event Spaces
    • ADMIN NOTE:  NO US Marines In The Pool (Pond Available At Rear Of Property)
  • NEWSPAPERS – You Will Not Find A Newspaper Outside Your Door, But 90% Of The Time, Our Lobby Contains A Few Local Dunedin Newspapers
  • SAFES / SAFETY DEPOSIT BOXES – No Safes Or Safety Deposit Boxes Are Available For Guests
  • NIGHT LIGHTS / WOOBIES – We Do Have Night Lights, But Do Not Supply Woobies
  • TOILETRIES – And Personal Care Items, FREE (Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap And Lotion)
    • In Emergencies, We Can Assist In Acquiring / Locating Other Personal Hygiene Needs
    • Two Convenience Stores Within 10-Minute Walk Of BTW … See HERE
  • TELEVISIONS – In All Rooms And Cottages, As Well As In Common Areas (Why Are You Watching TV?  Go Drink Some Beer !!!)
  • PHONES – We Do Not Provide Telephones In The Guest Rooms Or Lobby (Doesn’t Everyone Carry One? Really?) … But Know That We Are In Compliance With ADA Communication Features
  • WEATHER – Average Annual Dunedin Temperatures And Precipitation … See HERE
  • FREE Wi-Fi (Wireless Internet) … See HERE
  • PRINTING – We Are Not Printers, We Do Not Print (Boarding Passes, Baseball Tickets, Restraining Orders, Conditional Surrenders, Real Estate Transactions, Property Listings, Directions / Maps)
    • If You Need Print Jobs, Ask And We’ll Assist (Several Great Little Print Shops Close By)
    • Prior Planning And Notice Always Appreciated (And Expected)


  • PARKING – Parking In Our Transportation Policy … See HERE
  • BICYCLES – Bikes In Our Transportation Policy … See HERE
    • DO NOT Park Your Damn Bikes On Any Porches … To Include Cottage Porches And Our Main House Porch
    • DO NOT Ask Us To Put Your Bikes In Our Garage Or In Your Room. It’s Not Going To Happen
    • We Do Not Have Or Rent Bikes At BTW, Local Rentals Are Available
    • Bike Rack In Shell Area, Across From Garage, Look For The PARTY CHICKEN.  Bike Rack Is Covered By A Dedicated Security Camera
    • Pinellas Trail Only 5-10-Minute Walk, 1-Minute Bike, Directly West Of Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast Via Skinner Blvd
  • HOW FAR ???
    • Tampa International Airport (TPA)
      • 21 Miles Or 45-60 Minutes Depending On Traffic (NO, We Don’t Have A Shuttle)
    • Clearwater/St Pete Airport? (PIE)
      • 13 Miles Or 30-60 Minutes Depending On Traffic (NO, We Don’t Have A Shuttle)
    • BEACH: Honeymoon Island – 3.5 Miles (NO, We Don’t Have A Shuttle)
    • BEACH: Clearwater – 7.5 Miles (CW Beach SUCKS And … We Don’t Have A Shuttle)
    • Andrews Wedding Chapel – 1.25 Miles (A Very Nice Walk North On The Pinellas Trail)
  • UBER – In Our Transportation Policy … See HERE
  • LYFT – In Our Transportation Policy … See  HERE
  • PRIVATE DRIVER — Mr Allen Powell At 630-842-9106 Or … Or … See HERE
  • JOLLEY TROLLEY – In Our Transportation Policy … See HERE
    • The Jolley Trolley Stops In Front Of Beyond The Wall
    • You Can Take Bicycles On The Jolley Trolley
    • Only Service Animals Allowed On The Jolley Trolley
  • GAS AND CONVENIENCE STORES (Both 10 Minute Walk)  In Our Transportation Policy … See HERE



  • LOST AND FOUND – Don’t Forget Your Crap Here
    • C’MON MAN!!! You See How Lean We Run Here !!!  HUGE Time Waster For Us!!!
        • TRIPLE Check Your Stuff
        • This Is Absolutely AVOIDABLE
  • Due To The Frequency Of Folks Leaving Items And That It Takes Roughly About An Hour Per Item (From Start To Finish) To Return:
    • We Must Charge $25 ($25 Is In ADDITION To Postage)
    • Basically, If You Leave Your Crap Here, You’ll Need To Contact Us Via Our CONTACT FORM  (DO NOT CALL)
    • Name
    • Email Address You Want To Be Notified At About The Return Of Your Crap
    • Best Phone Number To Reach You At (And Times As Well)
    • A Description Of Your Crap
    • Consent To Charge You $25 AND POSTAGE AMOUNT For Beyond The Wall Bed And Breakfast’s Efforts In Returning Your Stuff
    • DO NOT CALL – If You Call Me About Lost And Found, I’m Going To Lie … Tell You We Never Found Your Crap And Then I’m Going To Pawn Your Crap
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